Love, Sex and Intimacy

It has occurred to me on several occasions that I have at times used love, sex and intimacy interchangeably. But they aren't unchangeable. They are distinct but often interwoven. The interactions between those who form intensely personal bonds, be it friendship or a much deeper commitment are both complex, and at times simply innate. They encompass the full spectrum of physical and emotional sensations.

So to be clear, when I speak of these things I will use the context of interpersonal relationships. I will attempt to delineate where in my humble mind each of the title actions inhabits it's own realm and where their boundaries are inextricably intermingled.

LOVE
Love is the unseen, often unexpected and intensely emotional attraction we feel for others. It is the connection which drives us to do things for or with another which we would not do for or by ourselves. I have heard it said that love is not selfish. I agree. If it serves self only then it is not love. By extension then, love is selfless. It is the force that drives us to think of others before self.

Love need not be mutual or even consensual. It does not have to be returned to be real. Love is not dependant upon mutual gain. The sense of emotional well being that love generates is it's own reward.

When I have said that love hurts, am I not really saying; ' I so needed their love.' or 'I needed them to love me as I loved them.'? As I have explored this in my mind I see that perhaps what I all to easily identified as love was the desire to have my needs met. Love goes out. It comes back not as a reflection, but rather as an independent source of joy, hope, support and emotional well being.

Love is not the physical. It is the metaphysical!


Sex
Sex is any act between two or more individuals the goal of which is releasing an emotional or physical gratification. That gratification can be climaxed in either physical or mental form. Sex in this broad definition then can take place at great distances and without any physical contact whatsoever.

Sex needn't be mutually gratifying. It is frequently the source of abuse. Again I show my bias in that anything which is for self alone is not healthy to all involved. When it is mutually gratifying it leads to fulfillment of both a physical and often emotional need.

Sex can be an expression of what is driven by emotional attachment, or a more primal need to experience the euphoria of climax. It can be used to cement a bond, or simply provide a release.


Intimacy
Intimacy is the sharing of feelings, thoughts, actions, sensations and emotions. These can be shared in any combination or singularly. Intimacy is that part of a relationship which forms the sense of belonging to a pairing or group. It is that which we see as defining who 'we' are that nobody else is.

Secrets are intimate. A particular physical interaction is intimate. Thoughts, actions and feelings which take place under an umbrella of trust are intimate.

Put simply, if it fosters a sense of belonging, then it is intimate.


Spheres
Taken together these spheres overlap in places. The do so discreetly with one other sphere or encompassing a shared area of influence with both of the other spheres. Any given relationship may find expression or definition within one sphere or all of the spheres. The more spheres shared in a relationship, the deeper and for me, more committed it is.

Communication is both glue and lubrication for the interaction between spheres. For them to build bonds, and allow for growth they need to be founded on honesty, trust and respect.